... "I know that in me there's still a place that fulfills me
A sanctity here... that I call home, I run to
When winter descends
If I try, can I find solid ground
Or am I just wasting time?"
Life throws at us many twists and turns along our journey. Many of us become wrapped up in the "rush to nowhere mentality" that plagues the modern mundane world, and end up being blinded of our true inner selves and becoming captives of an ultimately never ending spiral to oblivion. In the end if we're "lucky", we get to lay on our death beds and finally realize what fools we were.... Then there are those of us who for what ever reason have been awakened and realize that there's a "hunger" deep down inside us that maybe we can't explain to anyone, but we feel it... Calling out to us... Beckonning us to a greater path than that which is laid before us in this mundane place... We are vampyres. There is no secret formula for becoming what we are. We are what we are because of things we inherit, endure, overcome, undergo, are exposed to, are defeated by, suffer, and witness in our lives be us vampyres or anything else for that matter.
In this attempt to introduce and deconstruct myself to you let it be known first of all that I am a vampyre. Sanguine mostly but thanks to some help from the Lord of the House to which I belong (Noctem Aeternus), I'm learning to open my mind to psi-feeding techniques. I'm not a very "wordy" person so this will be kinda short, and I'm not a very lively or vivid person so this profile won't be very colorful and picturesque (I will try a little for you children but if I fail, the disney channel has all the color and pics you could ever want)... I don't think that I'm completely Goth but it does make up the majority of my persona. Then if you add a smidgen of alchemy, cyber, industrial, techno, r&b, alternative, electronica, country, a few "golden oldies", and some pop rap/rock then you'll have me. There's no real way to classify me actually but that's the way I like it. I do not prejudge anyone nor do I like to be prejudged. Negatively stereotypical people have no place in my world. I believe an individual should be judged as an INDIVIDUAL not an entire race, culture, group, or whatever else.
My hobbies would include but are not limited to driving fast cars, watching drag races, tinkering with some electronics, practicing martial arts and weapon techniques, analytical chemistry (yeah a little bit of a geek at times lol), going to the movies, upgrading my car, and hanging out in bdsm, vamp/goth clubs and other "dark" gatherings... No I don't have a girlfriend right now but I'm not actively seeking one at the moment (though sometimes I feel like that's what I'm missing in my life among other things). First of all I'm much to shy, and wouldn't tell anyone that I had feelings for them even if I thought they were ABSOLUTELY irresistable (which I do think of a few people but they'll never know). Second of all I have too many inner battles to fight and win right now and don't want to drag anyone else into them. However, if I fall for someone and the feeling is mutual, then so be it and I WILL NOT turn my back on them. Basically I'm a hopeless romantic anyway, and there's not much to me really... Love and honor me while I'm here, miss me when I'm gone, and remember me if I die.... That is all.
I stare into a clear night sky and become lost in it quite easily. It is not the stars that capture my attention so deeply for they are "blemishes of light" in the vast darkness that encompasses them. In this darkness, lies "dark matter". The original matter that the universe was created from as well as everything in it. It is this matter that keeps the universe (and multiverse if you believe in a parallel dimension) expanding in relative order. It was there before time existed and the energy it emits can be felt if one focused enough on it. I can feel it sometimes and I still can't describe the feeling completely but it's intense to say the least, and I can feel it surging through my chest... Perhaps I'll delve into it more deeply later...
I quote: "Being mature does not mean becoming a slave to modern conceptualization. Being mature means to realize what lies in your inner most self." A very wise person spoke those words long ago and I feel it necessary to echo them from time to time...
Being predominantly of "ronin" mentality, most of the time I'm pretty much alone (not LONEY but ALONE) and introvertive so I really don't have a lot of friends, which I don't mind at all. However the friends that I do have (Hail Noctem Aeternus!!!) I hold very dear to me and I will defend them with the ferocity of a tiger!! I'm not a hermit or recluse, it's just that I feel like sitting back and watching the "world spin" most of the time. I watch and observe from "great heights and depths" so that my perspective is nearly balanced. I'm a fairly open minded person as well as intelligent and I like to engage in deep conversation... As long as I have an occasional cigarette and a shot of patron tequila handy :-) Once triggered I have an over-active adrenal system (which is kinda cool) and a really bad memory as a result (which is kinda bad), so please don't take it personal if I forget who you are after not seeing or hearing from you for a while. Just remind me who you are and we'll be fine again.
About the bottom pics (from top to bottom)... The first pic is of the House of Noctem Aeternus logo. This is the House to which I belong to in real life (it is a coven on here on VR). The second one is of a diamond back rattle snake (I have a great deal of love and respect for poisonous snakes) and it reads my name at the top, and the bottom reads "embrace the darkness and etenity will envy you"... It is something that I periodically whisper to myself quietly while staring into the night sky. The third one is a cartoon pic of Atreyu (my favorite band) representing their "Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses" CD. The fourth one is of my car. It doesn't look like that anymore due to some performance and body bolt-ons (as seen below the original pic with her "sister", the Camaro SS), but she's a little "camera shy" now due to a minor zig-zag accident lol. The last pic is the ghost named "The Angry Princess". I think she's seductively evil and sexy at the same time (hey beauty is in the eye of the beholder right?? lol)... Maybe when I die she'll let me take her out ;-).
My journal is a place where my ever growing sparadic, and abstract thoughts are stored; Fictional and non-fictional, so feel free to read it. Also feel free to message me if you have any questions or concerns and I will respond as soon as possible. I am eternally grateful for you stopping by. May the night watch over you... Special thanks to Lady Chordewa for helping me get my profile straight :-)
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